the questioning heart
11:38 p.m.
hmmm....ok, joey went over like a fart in church....good, more for me!
actually, abwhite told me last night he looked like he was splitting a rib, not just smiling. he's 41...looks a lot younger...see previous entry...(OOPS, NO, DON'T...IT'S BEEN DELETED AT THE REQUEST OF THE SUBJECT...HE SHY BOY!)
this is as close as i get to babyface mode these days...
me, about an hour ago, roaming the dark streets.
i like having a goatee, i think it suits me. but when the beard gets too long and gray, i see my father's face, and it's too much to deal with. and when i shave it all off, ugh, i seem to have no face at all.
phu gets why i take so many pictures of myself...he does the same thing. i'm looking for...me, i guess.
jrob just popped on to say he's tired and going to bed. that boy...
we've been chatting a couple hours every night...it gets pretty heavy. i started to cry last night, just a little. we talked recently about how survivors of suicide become detectives. you find out so much after the fact. i told him he's strong.
oh, but the other night we got totally silly, tossing smiths lyrics back and forth, that was so funny.
and last night after all that heaviosity i spent an hour putting together a rather short email to him...i was staring at the screen...and i told him:
"i was up late last night, kids in the hall was on, and i remembered we watched that at the hotel, you were laughing, that was good...i remember first time on phone...that goofy laugh of yours..."
matt has that same laugh sometimes...and lately j-rob's been starting his chats with "hola!", which is TOTALLY a matt thing, ha!
and he saw prince sunday night at the meadowlands! prince, sonic youth, frank gehry, the guy's taste is well-rounded.
new jersey is so fucking far away...a good thing, i guess. a few more days together in s.f. and i would have been in...trouble. deep doo-doo.
(ma pomeriggio di mercoled�, sulla via del fulton fuori del parco, sedentesi nell'automobile... stava ritenendo frisky ed io desideri che ero andato per esso, appena per un minuto e un'ora pi� successivamente nell'hotel, quando siamo stati fatti e stava alzando tirando i suoi pantaloni e stava scorrendo veloce per interferire il bus, dio dell'OH, che era caldo...)
anyhooooooo...
watching chia for a week, rob c.'s going to arizona...guess i'll be on his couch reading a lot.
getting some weed tomorrow. but i got just a pinch today from a friend, think i'm gonna have that and go to bed...
i AM NOT getting enough sleep...work was weird this week, more on that later, i think i'm done here.
ciao,
- MK.