stop the world i wanna get back on...
12:49 a.m.
wow, its late.
wonder how much i feel like typing.
i have notes.
i kinda hated to post over that poem, i really liked it. it's funny, the really icky kind of personal stuff doesn't get many comments, i get that.
we had a nice little earthquake last week.
i have a note here that says "friday-p.a."... no idea what that means, it might come to me.
and one that says "saturday-f.m." ooh, i went to farmers market, duh!
had some more nice chats with brian in montana, 3 hrs sunday night.
sigh.
talked to peter, he was in zurich, he heard about the quake. he said another postcard was coming, i got it tonight. michaelangelo's david. he said "saw david and thought of you!"(what? big hands and tiny dick??? haha!) said someone hit all the italian men with an ugly stick! a serious shortage of cute guys.
someone told me tonight, "oh, i like that match!" re: me and peter...i dunno, we're buds...he IS a babe , tho. i really did expect his face to show diassapointment when he opened his door for me that first night. but um, no.
oh, honey, it's all in the diary, if you look hard enough!
he's home tomorrow.
going to trinity with kev friday. two days at canyon creek lakes! kev is all organized, he's got all my stuff ready, bag, pad, etc. here's a pic...
2 days there? oh yeah, i tihnk i could handle that!
he said "I have your pack, sleeping bag, sleeping pad, water bottle, food cup and bowl. Actually both bags are already packed and ready to go, I sorted everything on Saturday. I thought I would pick you up Friday morning by 8:00 am. We can hit the co-op or wildberries if we need anything else. The weather looks mild, 20% chance of rain and thunderstorm on Saturday. We may see a light shower. There will probably still be a little snow on the ground, so it may be cold and we will have to snuggle in our sleeping bags and gossip!"
sunday i had a breakfast date with a nice kid from the room...a beautiful korean boy, long hair i could get lost in. he's big on science, physics, etc. he tried to explain string theory to me in the room one day! we met at the used bookstore, looked at some art books and went to eat. he's a bit intense. i dunno, we might hang some time. he's 24. yikes!
talked to rob a few times, he's home tomorrow too. he was so surprised to hear that chia let me hold her!
talked to j on sunday, before and after my date. we talked 2 hrs in the afternoon, just chit-chat.
hmm, ok, what to say, huh? i was gonna say i miss the hope i had before, but, i DO still have some kind of hope...for what, i'm not sure.
lately for some reason i've been picturing dan on my shoulder, you know...the angel/devil thing...advising me or whatever. about j stuff. oh, i know why, that's easy.
it's like if i get a bit sappy in my thinking, he pops into my head, and i know what he'd probably say.
oh, hmmm hmmm hmmm. hah!
geeze, if i wanted some cheap meaningless sex, i have 3 different boys i could hook up with. but they just want quickies, and i can't base a relationship on that.
the cat however, is sleeping right on top of me every night.
oh, i saw a beautiful picture of a certain mr. wonderful and it bummed me cuz i think i know who took it.
i have so much shit to get over, to let go of.
kevin and i had this talk, coming home from camping a few weeks ago...i said i was so afraid of getting back into the pool with everyone...that whole if-i-sleep-with-you-i'm-sleeping-with-everyone-you've-ever-slept-with thing. it's scary, you know? kev said something about me getting protection and just jumping in the shallow end, haha! him and dan, 8 yrs...wow. i'm so happy i've gotten to know them.
so, yeah, the pool...i came close recently...there WERE goggles and waterwings handy, let's just say.
how much fun can i have and not get too emotionally attached?
that was a funny morning. woke up across town. went home and looked up hiv transmission rates for certain things i didn't even do. then lunch with...someone else.
if you only knew. oh, it doesn't matter now, maybe it never did. it all just rolled off him so easy.
i have been very good about stopping myself from trying to make finer points about things i've already said. follow-up questions. it's all been said.
let's keep things surface-y for a while. i can't take anything more. i get sad.
see? there's dan whispering in my ear.
i know, i know.
fuck, i better stop here.
- michael