joe
8:38 p.m.
i met joe on jan 7th, in one of the yahoo chat rooms. this was my first look at him.
we just started talking.
his story: ex-mormon, 32, utah. family not happy with him being gay, but they accept it. lives alone most of the year, on the family ranch. caretaker, etc. hires the ranch hands in the spring, does payroll, bookeeping, etc. a loner, reads a lot. hasn't been in a relationship for a long time.
we really hit it off. i was just looking at my chat archives. we covered a lot of ground.
a great smile.
but sometimes he looked very sad.
but it was very easy to make him blush too.
he showed me his fur.
and he let me take a pic of the back of his neck...you know ME!
we exchanged a few private pics, but we never got sexual on cam. we were too busy getting to know each other.
oh fuck, it's amazing what we talked about. family, god, life, loneliness...i was having a ball. he seemed like such a nice guy.
monday evening i got curious if he had a profile on gay.com. i did a search for around where he said he lived. i found one.
he had "omaha" in his name there. hmmm, ok, whatever. there was a pic, it was him. then i read the profile.
open relationship. partner of six years..."we play with others, seperately and together." and a few kinky things that seems out of character..well, ok , the whole thing seemed out of character, right?
then i googled the omaha name, found another yahoo profile. same pic. again, details that didn't match the guy i thought i was talking to. i found message boards, etc. with the omaha name. book reviews he wrote on amazon. very well read, not sometihng he really touched on much when we talked. this sounded more like an acedemic kind of guy, not a guy running a ranch. that lead to a "jay" name, some guy who worked at various museums in utah, it was kind of confusing, to say the least.
i spent like an hour comparing the pic i found with one i took...take a look for yourself...
it's the same ear, right?
that night he popped online...
joe pup: Hi silly bear. Long day here. I got like 4 hours sleep before tending the horses and cattle, then had to travel into town for some ordering, setting up vet appointments, some paperwork, etc. I'm so dang tired, I'm gonna head to bed. But I hope you had a good day?
kstyle57 : hi
kstyle57: it was ok
joe pup: I'm glad to hear.
kstyle57: thanks
joe pup : I just loved chatting with you yesterday, even more than previous chatting. You rock, really.
kstyle57 : aww thanks
kstyle57: i'm in a weird mood
joe pup : Is everything OK?
kstyle57: well...
kstyle57: i dunno
kstyle57: shit
kstyle57: i had a few stories i wanted to tell you
joe pup : 'k.
kstyle57: but maybe i should just cut to the chase
kstyle57: shit
kstyle57: i like you, you know
kstyle57: but thats not the issue
kstyle57: i need to ask you a very blunt question
kstyle57: have you been honest with me, about who you are, your situation, etc?
BAM! he got offline right away, didn't say anything. i messaged him and emailed him, no answer, of course.
and in like a half hour, he had taken down his pics from the 2nd. yahoo profile and the one at gay.com, replacing them with gay rainbows.
live and learn, i guess, right?
i mean, fuck, i don't KNOW which story was the truth, ya know? and it made me sad, cuz the guy i was talking to...he was great.
and he pussed out on me, so i'll never know.
and it was so easy to find that stuff, too. i'm the KING of googling.
anyhoo. that's my little story. joe and i could have gotten very close, i'm glad it was only 4 days. but i missed him for a while, at least the guy i thought i knew. but it was a lesson too, of course. i can't get close to someone far away again, like i did with tony.
look, i'm no brad pitt here. but i DO have...admirerers. all over the place. the thing about chat rooms, well, you have a group of people of a certain type. looking, looking, looking. and some of those friends i've made, i talk to quite often. my "type" appeals to certain people. it's fun and flattering at times.
but it's a finite thing, and i know that. it's a diversion. and sometimes a way to get off. whatever. you know i don't have a problem with THAT.
and some of those people i'll probably keep talking to. and occasionally get off with. but it has to stay on a certain level.
and i think joe showed me that, real good.
again...live and learn.
that said, i think i'm gonna stay off chat all of march. i need a break. local, local, local, i can hear my 2 mommies in my head.
ha! ok!
well, i'm off to SF tomorrow, to see john, exene, billy and dj! it's gonna rock!
talk to ya soon.
kisskiss,
-M.