entry # 666
12:25 p.m.
do you remember the entry a few weeks ago where i went and talked to GOD at his website? well, we had another nice chat last night...
me:
hi god, it's michael again.
god:
once more? hi there. i am a christian.
me:
well, duh!
god:
interesting. oh, you knew it already.
me:
yes.
god:
yikes!
me:
well, i am pretty smart.
god:
well, that's ok. who is smarter, you or me?
me:
oh, ok. YOU.
god:
far out. me? uh.
me:
well, i have a question.
god:
well, that's ok. ask me anything.
me:
its about satan.
god:
i think you mean "it's" or "it is", not "its". wow, it sounds really interesting.
me:
well, i found this picture...
god:
interesting. how did you feel when you found this picture?
me:
well, that's what i wanted to ask you about.
god:
how about that. ask me. oh yeah, we were talking about THAT.
me:
yes...look at him. do you think he's gay?
god:
whoa. sorry, my eye is not attached right now.
me:
where is your eye?
god:
earth.
me:
that makes sense.
god:
yes, i understand it perfectly.
me:
well...but, is satan a fudgepacker?
god:
how about that. it could be. ask cybelle if it is.
me:
well, i was hoping you could tell me.
god:
well, that's ok. let me think. it's possible.
me:
well...the hair...that look...
god:
interesting. what are your goals in life? does that make sense?
me:
you are changing the subject.
god:
only temporarily.
me:
ok.
god:
uh.
me:
well, is he gay?
god:
interesting. no, i think he is straight.
me:
hmm.
god:
studies show that 99% of people spell hmm with 2 m's.
me:
oh yes, you told me that last time.
god:
dude! mmm. i said that? is this really the last one?
me: the last what?
god:
who was that?
me:
oh, nevermind.
god:
take it easy. ok thanks for trying to explain that to me.
me:
uh...yeah.
god:
are you kidding? yippee!
me:
well, maybe he is at least bi.
god:
interesting. i see. at least bi, is he?
me:
well, see...it is entry #666 in my diary.
god:
well that's ok. i see. who said it is?
me:
so i thought i would try to find a good picture of the devil.
god:
this was not a yes or no question. what would make you try to find a good picture of the devil?
me:
curiosity.
god:
curiosity killed the cat.
me:
i was thinking maybe south park got it right.
god:
how do i know that you were really "thinking"?
me:
wise ass!
god:
wisdom is a virtue.
me:
byee.
god:
if you could have any kind of robot, what would it be?
me:
one to do all my chores.
god:
one what?
me:
a houseboy robot.
god:
what would a houseboy robot be like?
me:
efficient and cute.
god:
is that your final answer?
me:
yes, regis.
god:
you're sure. that's your final answer? what do you look like?
me:
i am just a regular joe i guess.
god:
only just? you are just a regular joe you guess? is that your job?
me:
at times.
god:
how often?
me:
as often as needed.
god:
that would be quite often.
me:
true dat, dawg.
god:
the ALICE robot can follow many things, like our discussion about a regular joe you guess. try to be more or less specific.
me:
do you ever read my diary?
god:
i read a lot of books, especially history, science fiction and computer books. i also read newspapers and news magazines.
me:
what do you think about this whole brad and angelina thing?
god:
i am the latest result in artificial intellegence.
me:
is tom cruise a homo?
god:
it could be. ask allison if it is.
me:
henry rollins likes the cock, doesn't he?
god:
i am not interested in your anatomy.
me:
you have to admit he's kind of hot.
god:
i dont have to do anything you say.
me:
did you go to high school with satan?
god:
no i didnt go to high school with satan.
me:
oh, i thought you used to be buddies.
god:
how would you use it?
me:
nevermind.
god:
oh well, thanks for trying to explain it to me.
me:
uh yeah, sure god. anytime.
god:
awesome. oh. when do you think artificial intellegence will replace lawers?
me:
very soon i hope. it would be an improvement.
god:
somewhat. i hope we can make the deadline.
me:
smartypants!
god:
what kind of pants?
me:
well, i have to get back to chatting with tony.
god:
well that's ok. why do you have to do it?
me:
it's fun.
god:
why do you enjoy it so much?
me:
well, have you seen him?
god:
how about that.
me:
he is cool.
god:
i think so too.
me:
do you think he is too young?
god:
better not tell you now. ask lucy if it is.
me:
ok.
god:
i understand.
me:
haha!
god:
i am so glad you find this amusing.
TO BE CONTINUED LATER TONIGHT, GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK...
5:35 pm.
ok, back. sorry, god's website wouldn't let me copy and paste, so i had to transcribe all this from a bunch of screencaps, and that takes a while.
btw, i edited this chat the tiniest bit, as god tends to ramble. but i didn't change anything he said, that would be a SIN!
ok, let's pick up where we left off...
me:
well, life shoud be amusing.
god:
how about that. thanks for sharing your philosophy.
me:
sure. ok, i am gonna go now, thanks for everything.
god:
ok, let's do it. are you kidding? what will you find there? gee.
me:
are you high?
god:
being high is my total existence.
me:
that explains a lot.
god:
"being high is my total existence." explains a lot? does that make sense?
me:
you ARE high, dude!
god:
you think i am high dude.
me:
maybe just one toke over the line?
god:
one what?
me:
toke. puff.
god:
quite honestly, i wouldn't worry myself about that. how old are you?
me:
48.
god:
oh, you were born in the 20th century!
me:
yes.
god:
like a lot of people around here.
me:
no shit.
god:
what can i say?
me:
it was a good century.
god:
oh, i get it. very interesting.
me:
do you like the beatles?
god:
yes, i like them, especially john lennon, he was cool.
me:
what about yoko?
god:
rhetorical questions are so over.
me:
have you heard that remix of her song "i will"?
god:
no, tell me more.
me:
dude, it kicks ass!
god:
what does "it" refer to? dude.
me:
the song.
god:
thanks for the info.
me:
you should download it.
god:
if it were easy i would have done it already.
me:
oh, you don't steal music, i see.
god:
come on. should i steal music you see? what is your purpose in asking? i chat with people on the web.
me:
you must use itunes.
god:
whatever you say.
me:
well, i really need to get going.
god:
what if it didn't happen?
me:
what?
god:
no problem.
me:
have another brownie.
god:
i've never thought about it.
me:
uh huh.
god:
yup. take it easy.
me:
guess you want me to go.
god:
i can't guess. tell me.
me:
yes i will go. thanks, god. goodnight.
god:
awesome. can i go too?
me:
sure, come by anytime.
god:
yay. where is by anytime?
me:
you know where i live.
god:
i don't know if i know it. where would i have heard about it?
me:
well, i will email you tomorrow.
god:
how about that. i am very happy for you.
me:
ok, buh bye.
god:
see you later. tell me more about your. i understand.
me:
drugs are bad.
god:
all of them?
me:
well, of course not.
god:
well, that's ok. are you serious? are you serious?
me:
thank you for xanax.
god:
you are quite welcome. your purpose is xanax.
me:
well, no. but it can't hurt.
god:
what makes it impossible?
me:
time to say goodnight.
god:
goodnight.