bottoms up!!!
4:23 p.m.
hey y'all...
tomorrow marks 5 years without a drink for me. i don't think i was ever a raging drunk, but it had become a bad habit. it was certainly contributing to a period of very bad anxiety attacks, not to mention feeling like shit almost every morning.
one day i had that moment of clarity that you hear about. i realized it was up to me. i knew that was that, and i was never tempted to start up again. no meetings, etc.
oh, sometimes i think about how nice a drink sounds...gin and tonic, rum and coke, a nice glass of merlot....but i think it's the taste i'm missing...i know one drink would knock me on my ass soooo hard...and i just don't care, or am curious to find out if i COULD have one or two drinks and leave it at that.
i can be around people drinking...
i can be in a bar and have an o'douls and be social...which i know is something that AA says is a huge no-no...but it works for me.
too bad they can't make the non-whoopie wines taste better!
one night about a year into my sobriety i had a 6 pack of o'doul's amber here...one of the bottles was something else, which i hadn't noticed. i had a sip...it tasted very strong. i had another sip...i thought "oh, hell, one bottle won't kill me!"
i thought a bit more...and poured it down the drain.
and one time at work, the boss's wife brought rumcake for us.. i had a piece..omg, it was so strong. a co-worker said she couldn't even taste any booze in it....me, i was getting a buzz. it scared me.
but i mean, right now i have a bottle of wine on the counter just waiting for a CERTAIN SOMEONE to drop by :) and it's not like that bottle is whispering evil things to me, ya know?
i think i'm out of the woods, haha!
so, as picasso said, drink to me, drink to my health, you know i don't drink anymore!
xoxo,
michael