appetizer and main course
10:45 p.m.
here's a letter i just sent to jr...it's a preview of what this entry will be...
but, HA! midnight? perhaps a bit later than that...
"just finished editing your diary...hmm, that was fun. new entry by midnight, had an interesting end of the day...asked someone if my little infatuaion might be gay, but the jury is still out on that one... rob wrote a poem about me in a class, gonna post that...and a funny quote from YOU...a very eno-esque observation. god, i can't wait to read the whole thing again...i saw many interesting bits, but of course, i was busy editing dashes and numbers out... i am wearing steve's cologne! bought a small bottle, not sure yet if it's "me"... he liked the grey flannel i sent him, though. that's cologne...not a shirt! although, funnily enough, i AM wearing a grey flannel shirt right now. later, mk."
THIS IS THE REAL ENTRY, STARTING NOW...
for anyone having sexual fantasies about me, today i'm going commando...a.k.a. freeballin'.
oh, and i sent someone virtual oral sex today...everytime i see one of those forms, i can't resist, it's too funny!
is there a good reason i'm so horny this week?
well, it's nice when you have a kind of nothing day, and then all of a sudden fun stuff happens. rob and i went for a walk tonight, and he showed me the poem he wrote about me for one of his classes...actually, it's three short ones, but he put 'em all together. i was nervous to see it, but i'm really touched and flattered. here it is:
SOME STUFF I WROTE ABOUT A GUY I KNOW his face is a round, white full moon he aimlessly ages again and again he paints and he writes, exclaims and excites
occasionally dusted with stubble.
he's an amateur basquiat (or is that haring?)
but he goes professional when it's dark
and no one's looking.
he's a lonely bear who talks and listens
via semaphore signals
as he undoes his creeping death
by his own hand.
he deserves better.
years are spent yearning for yesterday.
walking while waiting, wishing, and wanting
he's a brilliant bystander
a silent sidewinder
a sneak with secrets so saucy
but famously frankly frustrated - "oh fuck it."
as generations grow up and are gone.
by the light of the silvery moon.
so now he is tired, exausted but wired,
crashing the late afternoon.
it's a frivolous dance, his hand in his pants
as joni sings "little green"
"california, i'm coming home," but he's living alone.
working against the tasteless and mean.
obsessive, compulsive, scattered, impulsive
but brilliant in so many ways.
it's a long walk to talk the talk
and make the most of your days.
now, really, how often do you get a gift like THAT?
you might notice each section is written in a different style...that was part of the assignment...and the girl that he read it to had to draw a picture of me based on what rob wrote...i REALLY wanna see that!
send rob an email HERE , if you like...
then we went down to the mall...rob's pretty excited about the border's that's opening up next month...i've never been in one. funny, the waldenbooks is going out of business. we went to the record store...i was thinking about getting that wilco album, but it was 20 bucks! so was the white stripes, well, that was the regular price, it was on sale for $15. (OH, HEY, WHITE STRIPES ON CONAN EVERY NIGHT NEXT WEEK!) i had just watched a bit of that wilco movie at rob's, it looks really good. i keep forgetting that i can buy DVD'S and watch 'em here on the computer...rob bought the new go-betweens, and a motown DVD, and something else i think, i forget. i always remind him how he said when he got back from PDX that he was gonna cool it on so many, uh, media purchases, but, hey, the boy needs entertainment! plus, the idea is that since he's decided to take the summer off from school, he's gonna have plenty of time to catch up on music, movies, and books...
i almost bought a jam greatest hits CD, it didn't have a price on it...it was 20 bucks also, so i said forget it! i looked it up on amazon when i got home, and it was $14.99 new, $10.99 used...so, fuck you, sam goody! and why do i bother looking for talking heads '77 and don juan's reckless daughter (joni), when i KNOW they're not gonna be in stock?
but the fun part was that sean was there (see yesterday's entry)...actually, i think he may be a shawn...what can i say? black IS beautiful, baby! when we were leaving, he was down on his knees stocking the little coke cooler they have there....and i said i had to ask him something...i asked him who that buzz-headed redhead was...i reminded him that i saw them talking for a long time in the parking lot at work...he asked me where i worked! oh, that's an old story...sometimes people know that they know me from somewhere, but if i'm not behind my counter and in my retail drag, they're not sure where they've seen me. i told him where i work, and he said i look different....well yeah, i'd like to think THIS is the real me....he said "were we standing in the rain?" i said yes...he said his name was jeff...(oh, fuck, RED ALERT! did i ever tell you that a jeff broke my heart many years ago?) he said they were talking about cars, jeff has a trans-am and i think shawn has one too...sean's sister knows him or something, i'm not sure..."why, you think he's cute?" "uh, yeah." (shawn and i have never talked about my being gay before, but you know, like david fisher told his sister clare, "we can smell it on each other.") shawn said that this jeff guy talks like he's a little "slow", but that he's a nice guy! hmmm, that reminded me that when he was bagging his groceries last night, he was almost talking to himself, kinda mumbling. and when i see him at work, i think he's always picking up prescriptions. a boy with problems, yum! like I'M so perfectly well-adjusted...
but shawn never really said if he thought the guy was gay, cuz he was busy telling me me how cute he thought bo was...bo that used to work at our store. cuz of the type of pants bo always wore...shawn said bo's "thing" was always in just the perfect position...haha, i said it was just those pleated pants, they always make the crotch look, uh, puffy! i actually gave shawn a little slap on his beautiful shaved head, that was funny...and i KNEW he was gonna say bo...bo...gay? there's a chance, he's always acting like a bit too much of a pussy-hound, like he's trying TOO hard to come off as straight...but hey, i can't read EVERYBODY!
then when we were leaving, i asked shawn if last time we were in he thought that rob and i were together...he said yeah. again, i said we were brothers, but shawn didn't really believe that, so i came clean on that one. and i quietly said, "no rob's straight...", and rob was all "what? what?" it was a fun little episode all around.
and it's really fun to talk to another...person...with my interests...ya know?
____________________
so, what else? oh, i burned some papers and trash today...it's so relaxing...and pulled a few weeds. i think the cat would have hung out with me all day outside...i can just see him curling up in the grass this summer while i'm working in the garden.
ahh, here's that zen quote from jr:
"A concert hall is a place people go to unwrap candy wrappers."
and here's a little story from his old diary, i hope he won't mind, it's so funny.
" I spilled milk all over myself. Today in English we had an ending party, cake, cookies, chips, etc... and someone brought milk. They only opened one of the whole milk containers (I love whole milk) so I took them both when class was over and no one else wanted them. I was walking back towards my dorm with Cassie and Adam, two cool people from English, and we were kinda messing about...and I had the cake box, and Adams decided to go down the ice hill with it (leftover from last night's "Snow Day" where they dump bunches of snow/ice in the Sunken Gardens (30 tons supposedly). So he's trying to slide down, and not succeeding very well and says, "I need someone to push me." So, the all-too-willing idiot known as Justin went out on the ice in his sandals (holding 2 pints of milk) and went to push Adam...slippery! He may have not been sliding very well, but, my goodness, I sure did! And of course, I fell, and the open milk container spilled the milk all over me (cardboard container), and my sandals flew off, and I was barefoot...standing up on the ice FREEZING my feet off. And everyone laughed at me, if you can imagine such a thing! But that was kinda fun, actually. And funny. And that was the nonsense activity of today."
...he sent me the whole diary in text form so i can print it out...cuz it's gonna be in d-land limbo soon. and that reminds me, there's another diary i'd love to print out, it's been abandoned, but i would love to be able to have a printed copy, but it's a couple of hundred entries...oh fuck, that's gonna be a lot of work...but i have a few months to do that...
hmm, did i have anything else to add? i guess not...i think that's enough. don't you?
later, michael