pause
2:20 a.m.
ahh, i should be in bed...
did anyone catch the preview of "tophats and trombones" sunday night? that kid is really funny...kinda cute, too. i don't think he knows it, though. and you know how much i enjoy THAT. i hope it runs this fall, it might get really interesting...
and last night i saw some boy singer doing a kind of one-man-show....one-boy-show, i should say....not too bad.
ahh, culture. it's a good thing.
yesterday i was helping two ladies do some prints on the kodak picture maker...the one lady had an old picture she was copying....she was showing it to her friend and said "this was before she died."
i think i need to stop the coffee again. almost had an anxiety attack at work. been staying up too late, not eating breakfast.
i had a dream this morning that morrissey and johnny marr were playing in my kitchen. they were gonna start a song, and i went up to where they were and said something about how it was gonna sound like culture club! morrissey was gonna hit me...i guess there was an audience in the living room.
that's funny, cuz my life has FELT like a smith's song the last week or two...
i feel like mr. spock. i need to get back to my home planet and have sex, as soon as possible.
have you ever seen that SNL skit "the girl with no gaydar"? THAT'S who i work with...
i heard a western union sob story today. the woman's daughter is on drugs. the daughter is with a heroin addict old enough to be her father. HE keeps putting big nails in the woman's tires, with a ribbon tied around the nail. the woman just got custody of the grandaughter. she has to park her car blocks from her house so the guy doesn't find it.
[shift]
sometimes it feels like there's a big pink elephant in the room, but we don't talk about it. i see him, though. you can't miss him.
i always wonder what's REALLY going on in that head of yours. YOU need to get some smith's albums, that's for sure.
you make me laugh, you make me sad. this is normal for me.
oblivious or innocent. hiding or abiding. nature or nurture. are you in the game or just bluffing? you'll let me know when it's over, right? we'll put the chairs up on the table and go home.
and you can ask me anything...just not yet, ok?
[shift]
i opened the front door to let the cat in the other night...he was right there on the porch. and so was a skunk! he had his tail up, pointed right at buddy! i dunno what had been going on...the cat came in, and the skunk waddled away. buddy didn't get sprayed.
and this morning i go out to find glass all over the step...the bulb in the porch light had shattered. that's so weird. but now the base of the bulb is still in the socket, so i have to find the right switch in the fusebox to turn it off so i can fix it. i hate shit like that. but there's a plug in the porch light, so i can plug something in there and know when there's no power.
electricity is magic, you know.
my beautiful thai mailman called me BY NAME the other day! god, what an ass that boy has. his name is, uh, "cola" or something. i probably have that spelling wrong.
my free AWC membership is almost over....then i won't be able to get on for 20 days, and then for only 30 days, then another 20 days off...on and on. i should just pay the dollar a month. i don't NEED to look at 10 webcams at once, one at a time is fine. they can be pretty distracting and time-consuming. but they get the job done. i don't HAVE a cam, you understand...i'm just looking, not participating. as usual.
dt is 5-10, 137 lbs. how much would i have to weigh to be that thin? how do you calculate something like that?
steve showed me his pussy on cam tonight...
dt says: I have a ventriloquist dummy!!!
MK says: haha
MK says: ventwilqiust
MK says: that's not a word i write often
MK says: scary
MK says: does he sleep with you?
dt says: nope he stays in the closet
dt says: creeps me out if he is out at night, when it's dark
i TOTALLY understand that. i mean, they're almost as bad as clowns!
look, i KNOW this thing's been a bit loosey-goosey lately...i'm just sending out little messages. some are received, some aren't. that's not even the point, somehow. it's just where my mind IS these days.
ha, my left earpiece on my glasses came off the other night...fell right into my shirt pocket...oh, THAT was odd. i have TAPE on them....dorks rule! eye exam next week? gotta call them tomorrow. i never got the other ones fixed after that tin of holiday popcorn hit me in the head...it's an exciting life i lead!
i think i'm gonna be away for at least a few days...doug and harriet are coming up this weekend, i need to do more housecleaning, and, i dunno, just get my head out of the clouds. it's been a bit of a roller coaster in here lately, and it's just not neccesary, ya know.
i need to relax and just see what happens with....life.
i need to make some music...i actually wrote a little something the other night...it's a start. i need to write an article for sebastian. i need to get realistic about certain things.
do you remember this from a couple of months ago?
THAT'S what i really need...or want...which is it? i picture myself...laying on the couch...he's sitting on the floor, close enough that i can touch his hair or rub his neck. wer're watching tv, or reading...or doing nothing. oh, a little fucking and sucking once in a while would be nice, too...don't get me wrong. but i just want some warm skin under my fingertips...
"Still I sent up my prayer
Wondering who was there to hear
I said Send me somebody
Who's strong and somewhat sincere
With the millions of the lost and lonely ones
I called out to be released
Caught in my struggle for higher achievements
And my search for love
That don't seem to cease"
-joni mitchell, "the same situation"
ok, i'm totally embarrassed now, are you happy?
much love to jr....have a great opening this weekend!
- michael